Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity
6. Willingness
We accept the verdict of the past until the need for change cries out loudly enough to force upon us a choice between the comforts of further inertia and the irksomeness of action.–Louis L’Amour
Defined as:…
1 : inclined or favorably disposed in mind… : ready2 : prompt to act or respond…3 : done, borne, or accepted by choice or without reluctance…4 : of or relating to the will or power of choosing : volitional; synonyms see voluntary…
Many of us have the experience of multiple treatment episodes. Many times I used treatment as a clean up, rebound, and a retreat place to plan my next run. I spent a lot of energy and years trying to figure out how to use successfully, a easier softer way. Consequently, I never found that way. I even tried to rewrite the steps at one time. Well during all my treatment assessments there was always those same questions asked. “What’s different this time, and what am I willing to do to stay clean?” I think I never really knew what was different each time, except I was getting older and the rebounds were getting harder and longer. But I always, every time gave a pat answer to the question of what I was willing to do. The answer was always, ” I will do anything, ANYTHING!!! So once again, at my last treatment I am being interviewed and assessed for a new treatment plan by a counselor in his office. I gave my history and all the usual information asked. Suddenly the counselor closed the chart with all my info, and set it aside… Oh No!… here it comes,.. the question. “So Bruce, what’s different this time?” “Well, I answered, I am 39 going on 40 and have nothing to show for it but a 23 year heroin habit. I’m tired, I’m lonely, and I’m scared. I am afraid to die, and I am afraid to live.” “What are you willing to do to stay clean this time?” I’m not sure if it was the way he asked it, or the intensity I got from the focus of his eyes that told me this was not just another question he was asking. I looked straight in his eyes and said, “I WILL DO ANYTHING”!! He said “really, anything?” “YES, ANYTHING”!! He reached over on his desk and grabbed a pen, and proceeded to throw it on the floor in the middle of the room.” Bruce, he said, If I told you to get on your hands and knees and push that pen with your nose across the floor, and that would keep you clean,– would you do it?” My first thought was, is he serious, is he messing with me now? I looked at him and he is waiting for my answer. He challenged me, “you just told me you would do ANYTHING”!! I wanted to stay clean more than anything at that point. I said “yes I would push the pen.” He said, “then DO IT”!! Still wondering if this was all a joke I hesitated for a brief moment. I then got out of my chair, got down on my hands and knees and started to push the pen with my nose across the room. I looked up at the counselor, and he was kind of chuckling and seemed amused. I felt a bit humiliated. He then told me something that changed my life forever. He said, “Bruce, lets be realistic about this. Pushing the pen with your nose will not keep you clean, but the willingness to get down and doing it WILL!! I am still willing to get down and push the pen today and stay clean. Willingness is a principle because it allows us to get a grip on the fact that before change can occur; we have to give our permission. We have to stop holding back inside. We have to relax our personal will with all its preconceptions and preferences so we can look at alternatives. When we want to select something new in our lives, the choice is up to us. Without our willingness, we never get to make the choice and remain tied up in many of our past limitations, illusions and habits. Thank you Roger!!
Love and Respect, Bruce M.
Defined as:…
1 : inclined or favorably disposed in mind… : ready2 : prompt to act or respond…3 : done, borne, or accepted by choice or without reluctance…4 : of or relating to the will or power of choosing : volitional; synonyms see voluntary…
Many of us have the experience of multiple treatment episodes. Many times I used treatment as a clean up, rebound, and a retreat place to plan my next run. I spent a lot of energy and years trying to figure out how to use successfully, a easier softer way. Consequently, I never found that way. I even tried to rewrite the steps at one time. Well during all my treatment assessments there was always those same questions asked. “What’s different this time, and what am I willing to do to stay clean?” I think I never really knew what was different each time, except I was getting older and the rebounds were getting harder and longer. But I always, every time gave a pat answer to the question of what I was willing to do. The answer was always, ” I will do anything, ANYTHING!!! So once again, at my last treatment I am being interviewed and assessed for a new treatment plan by a counselor in his office. I gave my history and all the usual information asked. Suddenly the counselor closed the chart with all my info, and set it aside… Oh No!… here it comes,.. the question. “So Bruce, what’s different this time?” “Well, I answered, I am 39 going on 40 and have nothing to show for it but a 23 year heroin habit. I’m tired, I’m lonely, and I’m scared. I am afraid to die, and I am afraid to live.” “What are you willing to do to stay clean this time?” I’m not sure if it was the way he asked it, or the intensity I got from the focus of his eyes that told me this was not just another question he was asking. I looked straight in his eyes and said, “I WILL DO ANYTHING”!! He said “really, anything?” “YES, ANYTHING”!! He reached over on his desk and grabbed a pen, and proceeded to throw it on the floor in the middle of the room.” Bruce, he said, If I told you to get on your hands and knees and push that pen with your nose across the floor, and that would keep you clean,– would you do it?” My first thought was, is he serious, is he messing with me now? I looked at him and he is waiting for my answer. He challenged me, “you just told me you would do ANYTHING”!! I wanted to stay clean more than anything at that point. I said “yes I would push the pen.” He said, “then DO IT”!! Still wondering if this was all a joke I hesitated for a brief moment. I then got out of my chair, got down on my hands and knees and started to push the pen with my nose across the room. I looked up at the counselor, and he was kind of chuckling and seemed amused. I felt a bit humiliated. He then told me something that changed my life forever. He said, “Bruce, lets be realistic about this. Pushing the pen with your nose will not keep you clean, but the willingness to get down and doing it WILL!! I am still willing to get down and push the pen today and stay clean. Willingness is a principle because it allows us to get a grip on the fact that before change can occur; we have to give our permission. We have to stop holding back inside. We have to relax our personal will with all its preconceptions and preferences so we can look at alternatives. When we want to select something new in our lives, the choice is up to us. Without our willingness, we never get to make the choice and remain tied up in many of our past limitations, illusions and habits. Thank you Roger!!
Love and Respect, Bruce M.
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