Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity
18. Selflessness
Real education should educate us out of self into something far finer–into a selflessness which links us with all humanity.–Nancy Astor
defined as:
1archaic : highborn… 2 a: characterized by a noble or forbearing spirit : magnanimous, kindly… b: liberal in giving : openhanded…
This principle is one of the most difficult practices for me. I struggle with ego driven motives to help others sometimes. My passion to help others is evident in my life today. In many ways it borders on selfish motives to keep and protect what I have today, to giving selfless service to others with out conditions placed upon them. It sometimes suggests that because I do what I choose, and choose what I want, it follows that I may be ’selfish’ - after all, I’m merely doing what I want to do. I think what this shows is that ‘doing what you want’ is a poor definition of selfishness. If you want to help others, that isn’t selfish - not according to what I mean by the word, anyway. Common usage suggests that there is a meaningful distinction to draw here: some acts are selfish and others are not. When my ego denies this, that is when my troubles begin. When I think every act is clearly selfish I can only think that the concept is not a very interesting or useful one. Therefore my heart makes it clear that if I genuinely want to help other people, then acting on that desire is selfless, not selfish. Sure, I am doing what I want (in a sense), but since what I want is admirably true and without reservations, so is the resulting action. There is a meaningful distinction to be made here; one that my ego tends to neglect. My ego often suggests that my apparent acts of kindness are really motivated by deep down desires to make myself feel good. But even if satisfying my desires to help others does bring me pleasure, it does not follow that the original cause of my action was a desire for the pleasure. That would be to confuse the true aim of my actions with a beneficial pay off. This could feed right into my addict thinking. Quick fix,… instant gratification. But just because something good results, it does not follow that this something must have been my motivation all along. This is where prayer and meditation help me, along with consulting my support, to filter and examine my motivations. When I get results for acts of kindness I then can assess whether to take the result at face value, and recognize that not all desires are selfish…. Or, that that I really just desire warm fuzzy feelings, and use helping others as a means to an end. I find that, such a reduction in principle is completely counter productive in my recovery. It involves rejecting my common sense of understanding human action, and implies that I am engaged in a massive self-deception. Today I pray that I give true selfless service to others. Today I can live without the perverse belief, that everyone is deep down, really selfish. That lie is dead.
Love and Respect, Bruce M.
defined as:
1archaic : highborn… 2 a: characterized by a noble or forbearing spirit : magnanimous, kindly… b: liberal in giving : openhanded…
This principle is one of the most difficult practices for me. I struggle with ego driven motives to help others sometimes. My passion to help others is evident in my life today. In many ways it borders on selfish motives to keep and protect what I have today, to giving selfless service to others with out conditions placed upon them. It sometimes suggests that because I do what I choose, and choose what I want, it follows that I may be ’selfish’ - after all, I’m merely doing what I want to do. I think what this shows is that ‘doing what you want’ is a poor definition of selfishness. If you want to help others, that isn’t selfish - not according to what I mean by the word, anyway. Common usage suggests that there is a meaningful distinction to draw here: some acts are selfish and others are not. When my ego denies this, that is when my troubles begin. When I think every act is clearly selfish I can only think that the concept is not a very interesting or useful one. Therefore my heart makes it clear that if I genuinely want to help other people, then acting on that desire is selfless, not selfish. Sure, I am doing what I want (in a sense), but since what I want is admirably true and without reservations, so is the resulting action. There is a meaningful distinction to be made here; one that my ego tends to neglect. My ego often suggests that my apparent acts of kindness are really motivated by deep down desires to make myself feel good. But even if satisfying my desires to help others does bring me pleasure, it does not follow that the original cause of my action was a desire for the pleasure. That would be to confuse the true aim of my actions with a beneficial pay off. This could feed right into my addict thinking. Quick fix,… instant gratification. But just because something good results, it does not follow that this something must have been my motivation all along. This is where prayer and meditation help me, along with consulting my support, to filter and examine my motivations. When I get results for acts of kindness I then can assess whether to take the result at face value, and recognize that not all desires are selfish…. Or, that that I really just desire warm fuzzy feelings, and use helping others as a means to an end. I find that, such a reduction in principle is completely counter productive in my recovery. It involves rejecting my common sense of understanding human action, and implies that I am engaged in a massive self-deception. Today I pray that I give true selfless service to others. Today I can live without the perverse belief, that everyone is deep down, really selfish. That lie is dead.
Love and Respect, Bruce M.
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