Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity
16. Communication
You cannot speak that which you do not know. You cannot share that which you do not feel. You cannot translate that which you do not have. And you cannot give that which you do not possess. To give it and to share it, and for it to be effective, you first need to have it. Good communication starts with good preparation.–Jim Rohn (Jim Rohn’s Weekly E-zine 10/13/03)
defined as:
1: an act or instance of transmitting…2 a: information communicated b: a verbal or written message…3 a: a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior ; also : exchange of information b: personal rapport 4 plural a: a system (as of telephones) for communicating b: a system of routes for moving troops, supplies, and vehicles c: personnel engaged in communicating 5 plural but sing or plural in constr a: a technique for expressing ideas effectively (as in speech) b: the technology of the transmission of information (as by print or telecommunication… Take this Communications skills test, and see how you fair.
1. When conversing with others,
A. I usually do most of the talking.
B. I usually let the other person do most of the talking.
C. I try to equalize my participation in the conversation.
2. When I first meet someone,
A. I wait for the other person to make the introduction first.
B. I introduce myself with a smile and offer a handshake.
C. When I first meet someone, I hug the person.
3. I usually,
A. “warm-up” new conversations with small talk.
B. I usually avoid small talk and jump into more important matters.
C. I usually avoid starting conversations.
4. I usually,
A. Make an effort to remember and use peoples’ names.
B. Don’t pay attention to names as I tend to forget them.
C. Only learn the names of important people.
5. I __________ use courtesy words and phrases - “Please,” “Thank you,” “You’re welcome,” “I’m sorry.”
A. Frequently
B. Occasionally
C. Never
6. I tend to,
A. To be serious and don’t smile often while conversing.
B. Smile all the time while conversing.
C. Smile at appropriate times while conversing.
7. I ________make eye contact while conversing.
A. Always.
B. Sometimes.
C. Never.
8. While conversing,
A. I hold my head still at all times.
B. I nod my head at appropriate times.
C. I nod my head constantly.
9. While conversing,
A. I stand one-foot away from the person.
B. I stand two- to three-feet away from the person.
C. I stand five- to six-feet away from the person.
10. I often,
A. Stand while talking to a person who is sitting.
B. Sit while talking to a person who is sitting.
C. Lean down while talking to a person who is sitting.
11. To end a conversation,
A. I often just leave.
B. I begin to look impatient hoping the person will get the hint.
C. I wrap up with a closing statement.
12. If a co-worker has put on weight,
A. I say nothing about it.
B. I tell the person that he or she has changed in appearance.
C. I honestly tell the person that he or she looks fat.
13. When I’m listening to the speaker,
A. I often cross my arms over my chest.
B. I often lean back and turn my body away from the speaker.
C. I often lean slightly forward and face my body toward the speaker.
14. When I cross my leg,
A. I cross my leg facing the speaker.
B. I cross my leg away from the speaker.
C. I bob my foot.
15. While listening,
A. I tend to be distracted by things going on around me.
B. I listen for meaning and ask questions.
C. I watch the person speak, but I don’t “hear” a word.
16. When someone talks about an unfortunate or sad experience
A. I don’t comment about it.
B. I try to change the subject.
C. I try to relate to the person’s feelings and show sensitivity to his or her misfortune.
17. When I discuss a topic
A. I tend to talk about and focus on positive (good) aspects.
B. I tend to talk about and focus on the negative (bad) aspects.
C. I tend to complain.
18. When I have a negative opinion or comment
A. I just say it.
B. I lead in with a positive comment first.
C. I say nothing.
19. When I receive unfavorable feedback
A. I note where I need to improve.
B. I get angry and defensive.
C. I deny the problem, make excuses, or plead ignorance.
20. When I give a person negative feedback
A. I focus on the person’s observable work or behavior and offer suggestions.
B. When I give a person negative feedback, I focus on what I don’t like about the person.
C. I simply tell the person what to do right.
21. When I give a person negative feedback,
A. I do it around others so everyone can hear.
B. I do it in front of the supervisor.
C. I talk with the person alone in a private place.
22. When I disagree with a person,
A. I listen first, ask questions for clarification, then disagree non-judgmentally.
B. I quickly point out the person is wrong and why.
C. When I disagree with a person, I say little or nothing.
23. When I’m in a group,
A. I tend to frown a lot.
B. I tend to smile and use humor at appropriate times.
C. I tend to be serious.
Remember the best answer is not necessarily the correct one. In fact there is not a right or wrong answer.
#1. Best answer: C.
Conversations should be a balanced two-way flow of dialogue.
#2. Best answer: B.
It’s good to initiate the introduction and introduce yourself with a handshake and smile. If shaking hands is difficult, a quick head nod is a good substitute. Initiating the introduction with a smile and handshake (or head nod) helps build rapport.
#3. Best answer: A.
It’s good to initiate conversations with small talk. Topics to warm-up the conversation might include a chat about the weather, news of interest, or impressions about the current activity (if you’re at a meeting, staff party, or other gathering, for example).
#4. Best answer: A.
It’s good to call people by name whenever possible. It makes a good, lasting impression, and it makes the other person feel important and special.
#5. Best answer: A.
Regular use of these courtesy words and phrases is important to show politeness and build rapport.
#6. Best answer: C.
Smiling when greeting people and at appropriate times greatly helps build rapport.
#7. Best answer: A.
Making eye contact is important for building rapport. It gives the impression you’re interested and engaged in the conversation, and you have good self-confidence. Eye contact should include frequent breaks to avoid staring (this can make the other person uncomfortable). Break eye contact frequently - glance down to the side, then quickly make eye contact again. Glancing down to the side is important. If you instead glance to the side (as if looking out the window, for example) or look up, it gives the person the impression you’re distracted and not paying attention to what’s being said. This quickly breaks down rapport.
#8. Best answer: B.
Occasionally nodding your head to indicate you agree or understand helps build rapport. Again, it shows you are interested and engaged in the conversation.
#9. Best answer: B.
Your arm’s length is the appropriate distance (between two- to three-feet). Standing closer than arm-length makes the other person feel uncomfortable (or feel threatened), standing further away breaks down rapport.
#10. Best answer: B.
Communicating at eye level helps build rapport. So, if the person is sitting and a chair is available, take a seat! There’s one exception -If you walk into your supervisor’s office or co-worker’s office, it’s best to ask the supervisor or co-worker if you can sit down first. Even better, wait for an invitation to sit. The person may not have time to talk at that moment.
#11. Best answer: C.
It’s best to bring the conversation to an end by making a polite closing comment or gesture.
#12. Best answer: A.
It’s best to say nothing. Never say anything that might hurt or offend the person. It’s called being tactful. It’s always best to give compliments only, and only say things that will make the person feel good.
#13. Best answer: C.
Leaning slightly forward and facing the speaker shows you’re interested, and it helps build rapport. Sitting with your arms crossed over your chest gives the message you are defensive. Leaning back with your body or turning your body away from the speaker gives the message that you are bored, disinterested, or feel in charge. Such body language breaks down rapport.
#14. Best answer: A.
Crossing your leg toward the speaker shows you’re interested, and it builds rapport. Crossing your leg away from the speaker gives the message that you are defensive, disinterested, or feel in charge. In essence, you are putting up a subtle barrier. And if you bob or swing your foot, you’re sending the message that you’re anxious or nervous!
#15. Best answer: B.
If you’re a good listener, you keep mentally busy searching for meaning in the message, and you ask questions. This mental “search for meaning” helps keep you focused, attentive, and engaged. If you get easily distracted, try taking notes if the setting is appropriate. Note-taking helps draw and focus your attention as you must mentally “search for meaning” and listen for information in order to take notes.
#16. Best answer: C.
Showing empathy (sensitivity) to another person’s feelings helps build rapport. It’s called “reaching out to people.”
#17. Best answer: A.
Focusing on the positive (good) aspects draws people’s attention in a favorable way, and people enjoy the conversation more. People are generally more attracted to a person who has a “positive outlook on life.” And when it comes to work evaluations, positive-minded people generally do better.
#18. Best answer: B.
It’s best to say something positive first, and then express a negative opinion or comment in a tactful way.
#19. Best answer: A.
When you receive feedback, it’s important to know what you do well, but it’s equally important to know where improvements can be made to increase your chances for success. Few people do everything well, and you’ve undoubtedly heard the saying - “No one is perfect.” Simply make note of “weak” areas (we all have them!) and make changes needed. Receiving honest feedback is truly “a gift.” It usually means someone cares and wishes to see you succeed.
#20. Best answer: A.
When you give negative feedback, you should focus on and communicate your observations of the person’s work or behavior, not focus on nor judge the person. Focus on performance, not personality (or personal traits). After sharing your observation about the person’s work or behavior, offer a suggestion in a tactful way.
#21. Best answer: C.
It’s always best to meet the person privately and away from other people so others can’t hear.
#22. Best answer: A.
It’s fine to disagree, but it’s important to disagree agreeably.
This means you should:
1) show respect for the other person’s ideas,
2) listen attentively until the person is done,
3) ask questions if needed,
4) disagree non-judgmentally, and, if possible,
5) offer an alternative solution.
#23. Best answer: B.
At appropriate times, it’s always good to smile. And when used at appropriate times and in appropriate ways, humor is beneficial for group dynamics. Humor helps “break the ice” when people first meet. Humor helps relieve stress and tension. A humorous observation and comment helps lower the heat when a heated discussion gets too “hot.” And most importantly, humor helps build team cohesiveness. If you observe people at a gathering, you’ll notice people naturally gravitate toward people considered “approachable.” Approachable people are the ones who smile; they are the ones who add humor and lightness to conversations; and they are the ones who make fun of themselves in a self-deprecating and humorous way. In any group setting, smiles attract, and humor bonds people together. Do you know a good joke?
Now that you have these answers, pin point the areas where you can do well and get Cracking. Developing communication skills is a life long activities, as I have said many times, no matter how good you are, you can do even better, be it communication skills or cycling. We humans have tendency to do things and then do it even better. I hope you had fun with this.
Love and Respect, Bruce M.
defined as:
1: an act or instance of transmitting…2 a: information communicated b: a verbal or written message…3 a: a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior ; also : exchange of information b: personal rapport 4 plural a: a system (as of telephones) for communicating b: a system of routes for moving troops, supplies, and vehicles c: personnel engaged in communicating 5 plural but sing or plural in constr a: a technique for expressing ideas effectively (as in speech) b: the technology of the transmission of information (as by print or telecommunication… Take this Communications skills test, and see how you fair.
1. When conversing with others,
A. I usually do most of the talking.
B. I usually let the other person do most of the talking.
C. I try to equalize my participation in the conversation.
2. When I first meet someone,
A. I wait for the other person to make the introduction first.
B. I introduce myself with a smile and offer a handshake.
C. When I first meet someone, I hug the person.
3. I usually,
A. “warm-up” new conversations with small talk.
B. I usually avoid small talk and jump into more important matters.
C. I usually avoid starting conversations.
4. I usually,
A. Make an effort to remember and use peoples’ names.
B. Don’t pay attention to names as I tend to forget them.
C. Only learn the names of important people.
5. I __________ use courtesy words and phrases - “Please,” “Thank you,” “You’re welcome,” “I’m sorry.”
A. Frequently
B. Occasionally
C. Never
6. I tend to,
A. To be serious and don’t smile often while conversing.
B. Smile all the time while conversing.
C. Smile at appropriate times while conversing.
7. I ________make eye contact while conversing.
A. Always.
B. Sometimes.
C. Never.
8. While conversing,
A. I hold my head still at all times.
B. I nod my head at appropriate times.
C. I nod my head constantly.
9. While conversing,
A. I stand one-foot away from the person.
B. I stand two- to three-feet away from the person.
C. I stand five- to six-feet away from the person.
10. I often,
A. Stand while talking to a person who is sitting.
B. Sit while talking to a person who is sitting.
C. Lean down while talking to a person who is sitting.
11. To end a conversation,
A. I often just leave.
B. I begin to look impatient hoping the person will get the hint.
C. I wrap up with a closing statement.
12. If a co-worker has put on weight,
A. I say nothing about it.
B. I tell the person that he or she has changed in appearance.
C. I honestly tell the person that he or she looks fat.
13. When I’m listening to the speaker,
A. I often cross my arms over my chest.
B. I often lean back and turn my body away from the speaker.
C. I often lean slightly forward and face my body toward the speaker.
14. When I cross my leg,
A. I cross my leg facing the speaker.
B. I cross my leg away from the speaker.
C. I bob my foot.
15. While listening,
A. I tend to be distracted by things going on around me.
B. I listen for meaning and ask questions.
C. I watch the person speak, but I don’t “hear” a word.
16. When someone talks about an unfortunate or sad experience
A. I don’t comment about it.
B. I try to change the subject.
C. I try to relate to the person’s feelings and show sensitivity to his or her misfortune.
17. When I discuss a topic
A. I tend to talk about and focus on positive (good) aspects.
B. I tend to talk about and focus on the negative (bad) aspects.
C. I tend to complain.
18. When I have a negative opinion or comment
A. I just say it.
B. I lead in with a positive comment first.
C. I say nothing.
19. When I receive unfavorable feedback
A. I note where I need to improve.
B. I get angry and defensive.
C. I deny the problem, make excuses, or plead ignorance.
20. When I give a person negative feedback
A. I focus on the person’s observable work or behavior and offer suggestions.
B. When I give a person negative feedback, I focus on what I don’t like about the person.
C. I simply tell the person what to do right.
21. When I give a person negative feedback,
A. I do it around others so everyone can hear.
B. I do it in front of the supervisor.
C. I talk with the person alone in a private place.
22. When I disagree with a person,
A. I listen first, ask questions for clarification, then disagree non-judgmentally.
B. I quickly point out the person is wrong and why.
C. When I disagree with a person, I say little or nothing.
23. When I’m in a group,
A. I tend to frown a lot.
B. I tend to smile and use humor at appropriate times.
C. I tend to be serious.
Remember the best answer is not necessarily the correct one. In fact there is not a right or wrong answer.
#1. Best answer: C.
Conversations should be a balanced two-way flow of dialogue.
#2. Best answer: B.
It’s good to initiate the introduction and introduce yourself with a handshake and smile. If shaking hands is difficult, a quick head nod is a good substitute. Initiating the introduction with a smile and handshake (or head nod) helps build rapport.
#3. Best answer: A.
It’s good to initiate conversations with small talk. Topics to warm-up the conversation might include a chat about the weather, news of interest, or impressions about the current activity (if you’re at a meeting, staff party, or other gathering, for example).
#4. Best answer: A.
It’s good to call people by name whenever possible. It makes a good, lasting impression, and it makes the other person feel important and special.
#5. Best answer: A.
Regular use of these courtesy words and phrases is important to show politeness and build rapport.
#6. Best answer: C.
Smiling when greeting people and at appropriate times greatly helps build rapport.
#7. Best answer: A.
Making eye contact is important for building rapport. It gives the impression you’re interested and engaged in the conversation, and you have good self-confidence. Eye contact should include frequent breaks to avoid staring (this can make the other person uncomfortable). Break eye contact frequently - glance down to the side, then quickly make eye contact again. Glancing down to the side is important. If you instead glance to the side (as if looking out the window, for example) or look up, it gives the person the impression you’re distracted and not paying attention to what’s being said. This quickly breaks down rapport.
#8. Best answer: B.
Occasionally nodding your head to indicate you agree or understand helps build rapport. Again, it shows you are interested and engaged in the conversation.
#9. Best answer: B.
Your arm’s length is the appropriate distance (between two- to three-feet). Standing closer than arm-length makes the other person feel uncomfortable (or feel threatened), standing further away breaks down rapport.
#10. Best answer: B.
Communicating at eye level helps build rapport. So, if the person is sitting and a chair is available, take a seat! There’s one exception -If you walk into your supervisor’s office or co-worker’s office, it’s best to ask the supervisor or co-worker if you can sit down first. Even better, wait for an invitation to sit. The person may not have time to talk at that moment.
#11. Best answer: C.
It’s best to bring the conversation to an end by making a polite closing comment or gesture.
#12. Best answer: A.
It’s best to say nothing. Never say anything that might hurt or offend the person. It’s called being tactful. It’s always best to give compliments only, and only say things that will make the person feel good.
#13. Best answer: C.
Leaning slightly forward and facing the speaker shows you’re interested, and it helps build rapport. Sitting with your arms crossed over your chest gives the message you are defensive. Leaning back with your body or turning your body away from the speaker gives the message that you are bored, disinterested, or feel in charge. Such body language breaks down rapport.
#14. Best answer: A.
Crossing your leg toward the speaker shows you’re interested, and it builds rapport. Crossing your leg away from the speaker gives the message that you are defensive, disinterested, or feel in charge. In essence, you are putting up a subtle barrier. And if you bob or swing your foot, you’re sending the message that you’re anxious or nervous!
#15. Best answer: B.
If you’re a good listener, you keep mentally busy searching for meaning in the message, and you ask questions. This mental “search for meaning” helps keep you focused, attentive, and engaged. If you get easily distracted, try taking notes if the setting is appropriate. Note-taking helps draw and focus your attention as you must mentally “search for meaning” and listen for information in order to take notes.
#16. Best answer: C.
Showing empathy (sensitivity) to another person’s feelings helps build rapport. It’s called “reaching out to people.”
#17. Best answer: A.
Focusing on the positive (good) aspects draws people’s attention in a favorable way, and people enjoy the conversation more. People are generally more attracted to a person who has a “positive outlook on life.” And when it comes to work evaluations, positive-minded people generally do better.
#18. Best answer: B.
It’s best to say something positive first, and then express a negative opinion or comment in a tactful way.
#19. Best answer: A.
When you receive feedback, it’s important to know what you do well, but it’s equally important to know where improvements can be made to increase your chances for success. Few people do everything well, and you’ve undoubtedly heard the saying - “No one is perfect.” Simply make note of “weak” areas (we all have them!) and make changes needed. Receiving honest feedback is truly “a gift.” It usually means someone cares and wishes to see you succeed.
#20. Best answer: A.
When you give negative feedback, you should focus on and communicate your observations of the person’s work or behavior, not focus on nor judge the person. Focus on performance, not personality (or personal traits). After sharing your observation about the person’s work or behavior, offer a suggestion in a tactful way.
#21. Best answer: C.
It’s always best to meet the person privately and away from other people so others can’t hear.
#22. Best answer: A.
It’s fine to disagree, but it’s important to disagree agreeably.
This means you should:
1) show respect for the other person’s ideas,
2) listen attentively until the person is done,
3) ask questions if needed,
4) disagree non-judgmentally, and, if possible,
5) offer an alternative solution.
#23. Best answer: B.
At appropriate times, it’s always good to smile. And when used at appropriate times and in appropriate ways, humor is beneficial for group dynamics. Humor helps “break the ice” when people first meet. Humor helps relieve stress and tension. A humorous observation and comment helps lower the heat when a heated discussion gets too “hot.” And most importantly, humor helps build team cohesiveness. If you observe people at a gathering, you’ll notice people naturally gravitate toward people considered “approachable.” Approachable people are the ones who smile; they are the ones who add humor and lightness to conversations; and they are the ones who make fun of themselves in a self-deprecating and humorous way. In any group setting, smiles attract, and humor bonds people together. Do you know a good joke?
Now that you have these answers, pin point the areas where you can do well and get Cracking. Developing communication skills is a life long activities, as I have said many times, no matter how good you are, you can do even better, be it communication skills or cycling. We humans have tendency to do things and then do it even better. I hope you had fun with this.
Love and Respect, Bruce M.
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