Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity
24. Forgiveness
Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all of us love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour — unceasingly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is the human family.–Henri Nouwen
defined as: 1 a: to give up resentment of or claim to requital for b: to grant relief from payment of … 2: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon intransitive verb: to grant forgiveness…
I have found that forgiveness is a crucial part of any meaningful relationship. We are all human and inclined to error. Despite our best efforts, we will at times do things that hurt someone else. We all need forgiveness from time to time. When someone I love hurts me deeply, my natural instinct is to lash out. It takes a stronger person to forgive than to attack. I understand better today that forgiving the person is different than forgiving the act. This can lead me into a victim cycle by forgiving acts that have been truly harmful to me. I need to practice this principle by loving the person who committed the act, and hope for their future success and happiness. My part in all this is not allowing the person to hurt me again. It is also not my responsibility to seek restitution as far as forgiveness goes, although if someone has damaged me I have a legal and ethical right to be made whole again. Forgiveness does not mean that I am not entitled to restitution. But seeking restitution has nothing to do with forgiveness. I should never use it in my desire to damage the person who damaged me. Forgiveness is really a gift to myself. By choosing to forgive, I take back the personal power that was stripped away. Forgiveness is a step towards moving on with my life. If I am strong enough to forgive, then I am strong enough to survive. For me forgiveness takes time. The emotions of shock, anger, pain and grief just don’t subside right away. I have a hard time forgiving while caught up in these powerful emotions. My step work helps me with working through these feelings. I am in a better place to forgive after this kind of work. Strength is required for me to make the decision to forgive someone who has wronged me. Once I make the decision to forgive, my feelings always follow. Once I have chosen forgiveness, the healing process truly begins. Too often I am my own worst critic and I am willing to forgive others but I judge myself harshly. It has been said that it is impossible to truly love and forgive others until we learn to love and forgive ourselves. No matter what we have done in the past, we are worth while people. I do have a good side that people love and if I have truly wronged someone, I attempt to make it right. Once that is done, it is time to try and forgive myself. I need to realize that I am not without making mistakes in my life, and I will make more in the future. I do the best I can with what I have. It starts with forgiving myself for not being perfect, and then I can move on. Forgiveness is extremely difficult for me to achieve. Yet today I know it is only through forgiveness that I can truly learn and grow. When we allow each other to practice this divine act it brings us closer to that source of love. Please forgive me for not being perfect today.
Love and Respect, Bruce M.
defined as: 1 a: to give up resentment of or claim to requital for b: to grant relief from payment of … 2: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon intransitive verb: to grant forgiveness…
I have found that forgiveness is a crucial part of any meaningful relationship. We are all human and inclined to error. Despite our best efforts, we will at times do things that hurt someone else. We all need forgiveness from time to time. When someone I love hurts me deeply, my natural instinct is to lash out. It takes a stronger person to forgive than to attack. I understand better today that forgiving the person is different than forgiving the act. This can lead me into a victim cycle by forgiving acts that have been truly harmful to me. I need to practice this principle by loving the person who committed the act, and hope for their future success and happiness. My part in all this is not allowing the person to hurt me again. It is also not my responsibility to seek restitution as far as forgiveness goes, although if someone has damaged me I have a legal and ethical right to be made whole again. Forgiveness does not mean that I am not entitled to restitution. But seeking restitution has nothing to do with forgiveness. I should never use it in my desire to damage the person who damaged me. Forgiveness is really a gift to myself. By choosing to forgive, I take back the personal power that was stripped away. Forgiveness is a step towards moving on with my life. If I am strong enough to forgive, then I am strong enough to survive. For me forgiveness takes time. The emotions of shock, anger, pain and grief just don’t subside right away. I have a hard time forgiving while caught up in these powerful emotions. My step work helps me with working through these feelings. I am in a better place to forgive after this kind of work. Strength is required for me to make the decision to forgive someone who has wronged me. Once I make the decision to forgive, my feelings always follow. Once I have chosen forgiveness, the healing process truly begins. Too often I am my own worst critic and I am willing to forgive others but I judge myself harshly. It has been said that it is impossible to truly love and forgive others until we learn to love and forgive ourselves. No matter what we have done in the past, we are worth while people. I do have a good side that people love and if I have truly wronged someone, I attempt to make it right. Once that is done, it is time to try and forgive myself. I need to realize that I am not without making mistakes in my life, and I will make more in the future. I do the best I can with what I have. It starts with forgiving myself for not being perfect, and then I can move on. Forgiveness is extremely difficult for me to achieve. Yet today I know it is only through forgiveness that I can truly learn and grow. When we allow each other to practice this divine act it brings us closer to that source of love. Please forgive me for not being perfect today.
Love and Respect, Bruce M.
Comment
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Comment by Linda Schiller-Hanna on July 3, 2009 at 8:17am
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Every one of your topics are relevant and well written. I am working my way through them.
Thanks for sharing your talents and wisdom with us all.
Linda
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